Finding Yourself

Just be Yourself.

It sounds easy, right?  

Hello, my name is…. 

Unfortunately for many people, myself included, it can be difficult to know who you are.

Many things can cloud your mind to your truth self, from the little constant distractions of your day-to-day life to the heavy weight of any unprocessed emotions and events.

As I started my personal growth journey, I struggled to find out who I am. I still wrestle with myself sometimes to understand what makes me, me.

Hello. My name is Rose. I struggle with social anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Underneath these things, I am not 100% sure about who I am. 

Until September of this year, I had forgotten how it was to feel happy as my depression was not managed. But now I am re-learning how to live without a mental weight on my shoulders. 

Rose's Reminder: Take your meds! Hydrate!

Until September of this year, I have never had a reason to socialize outside of my small groups of friends who were aware of and accepted everything that came with my social anxiety. But now I do, and I am learning just talk to people and let consequences come later. (I can't wait to go out with my friends this Halloween 🪩🎃)

Until September of this year, I did not have a personality disorder diagnosis, but now that I do, I am learning coping skills that help me function without excess stress on my mind and body. (They really do help, even you resist them, keep trying, just a little bit.)

All this to say, there are many things that can affect how you view and feel about yourself, that might make understanding who you are difficult. Here's some things that I learned to help me self-reflect.

What do you see in the mirror?

Methods of Self Reflection

Self reflection to help your personal growth can take many forms. Let’s take a look at some common self reflection methods that I have encountered and tried, so you can too. 

In the Moment Meditation 

When attempting to learn more about yourself, knowing why you do things based on how you feel about them can be a game-changer. Your why can help you figure out your how to modify or work that behavior into your personal growth journey.  But sometimes your thought processes and emotions can be hard to identify. 

When you are feeling an emotion you cannot identify, take a moment to pause. Maybe close your eyes, or go through the motions of a feelings/sensations chart like this one from the Hoffman Institute, a personal growth and mental health awareness institution.

Truth Tip: Want to have an emotion chart on the go? Make it the your phone lockscreen so you can always glance at it when you are having a big emotion. 

Essentially, if you can find an overarching or base feeling, you can narrow it down from there to identify what you are feeling. 

Also, when you cannot identify the reason why you are feeling a certain emotion, trace back what has happened throughout your day. What sets you off might not be what is actually causing the root of your emotion. 

If you can, just make a mental note when you feel or think something unusual during your day. That small thing might just make you feel big emotions hours or even days later. 

Journaling 

You’ve heard it before and you’re hearing it again.

Journaling, recapping your day, throwing some stickers on a page, whatever else journaling can be, can be really helpful in identifying patterns in your day, your week, and your emotional state. 

Not all journaling has to be that big, artistic bullet journal with a lot of stencil work and good handwriting. That is expensive, a lot of work, and can be disappointing when you try it and it doesn't look like the pictures (trust me I’ve tried). 

If you have tried journaling before and have failed, there is more to journaling than a blank book.

If you still want to put pen to paper, there are literally so many journals that have prompts to help you think about things like gratitude, self-love, goal-setting, or even would you rather journals to help you learn more about yourself.

Truth Tip: In order to make this work, you have to answer honestly. No one else will see it unless you want them to, you don't have to lie for yourself.

I got this prompted journal from a local store for less than $5.

Not every journal has to be an expensive desk warmer. It can just be a dollar store journal that works for your mind and your budget.

The journal I'm currently using as a journaling newbie.

If a book is not your style, try apps.

You probably carry your phone all the time anyway, so why not let it help you. 

Want to track your habits? Try HelloHabit. They have a simple, personalizable system for tracking habits and setting goals. It even has a quitting tracker for if you want to quit smoking or junk food. It's also super aesthetic. 

Want to set goals for yourself, and track your emotions and day with prompts? Try Finch. 

I use this app and it has been life changing in managing my day, setting goals for myself and keeping track of small habits that need work. 

Want to have a complete online journal that is quick and easy to use? Try GridDiary. This app gives you gratitude based and reflective prompts to help you think about yourself and not what to write about. 

Regardless of how you journal, taking note of things is not only good for finding yourself, it’s a record of your progress as you grow and change. 

Somatic Stretching 

Don’t want to do any writing homework? Let’s get you physical! 

Somatic Stretching or Somatic Self-Care is a method of gentle movement and breathing that allow you to feel and release emotions and get in touch with how your body is feeling. 

This kind of self-reflection can be a great tool if you are feeling disconnected from your body. 

Sometimes I feel like the person in the mirror doesn’t reflect who I am, and sometimes some of you feel the same. Doing some of these somatic exercises can help you get reconnected with your body and help you feel a bit more like yourself. 

Check out this website on Somatic Self-Care from Johns Hopkins Medicine for more information about what Somatic Self-Care does and about some quick exercises you can do to feel grounded and connected in your body. 

They even have videos on how to do certain exercises that you can follow along too. 

Even if you are still feeling some body/self dissonance, (and that's totally okay!), these stretches are a great way to start your day by giving your body some gentle movement or a great way to end your day by helping your body relax before bed. 

Why Find Yourself 

Whichever method you choose to find out more about yourself, or reaffirm things you already acknowledge, is valid. 

Learning about yourself takes time, and may be uncomfortable. As you determine things about your personality, your thought processes and your routines, you might find things you want to change and want to keep. 

Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right when you actively think about it, change it. 

For example, when looking at my personality and routines, I noticed that even though it stressed me out, I never put my shoes away, I always just shoved them under my bed until I needed them or tripped over them. 

I knew they needed to go somewhere, but I did not want to take time out to organize them. I did not want to think of myself as someone beholden to over organizing myself. I also didn’t want to prove my mom right, that I would feel better when my shoes were organized. 

However, thinking about it, I knew it stressed me out, and I was tired of being stressed. I thought if this was one little change I could make to make my life easier So I made the active effort to sort my shoes, clean up under my bed, and put my shoes in their proper place on the shoe rack in my closet. 

Since then, my shoes always have a place they are supposed to be, and I don’t mind taking the extra step to put them away. 👞👞

This method of analysing yourself and your routines can help you realize motivations for why you do things and what you can do to change them to make your life easier and maybe your emotions more even. 

Finding out more about yourself, and hopefully accepting what you find, or at the very least acknowledging it, is an important part of personal growth. 

Let me be clear, finding out more about who you are doesn't automatically mean you must conform to this new perception of yourself, or change anything that you found should be changed about your routine. 

You can still grow and change and bear new fruit despite whatever you were growing before. It will just take time and gentleness and care to coax out those new blossoms from your tree.

So, who are you? I'd love for all of us to find out!